Can't say it to anyone, so I might as well say it to everyone.

Ambivilent?

I'm not unhappy. I'm not happy. Some days I am one or the other for awhile. But overall I think I am going through the motions because I don't believe I have any other choices.

Most people would look at my life and my family and call me lucky. Maybe I am. Maybe I lack the ability to appreciate what I have. That's not accurate. I do appreciate many elements of my life. But I still feel stuck.

Or is life about being stuck? What would it be like to be filled with joy? Would I recognize it?

Am I alone?

I wonder if anyone else or everyone else has feelings like this. Is this the dark side of humanity that no one has the courage to talk about or is there something wrong with me?

Where did we go?

I remember when I couldn't wait to see you, touch you or taste you.  I'll bet you remember those days too. It's like we're standing on one side of an abyss looking at what was.  Both wanting to get back there but having no fucking idea how.

I wonder where we went.  I wonder why we didn't notice we were changing.  Or, if we did notice, why we didn't do anything about it.

We've got a problem

You need me to want to spend more time with you.  I want to want that too.  When you don't get it, you get needy. 

The needier you get, the less I want to spend time with you. Which makes you more needy.  Which makes me want to spend less time with you.  Which makes you more needy...

I don't get it.

How can I love you and hate you at the same time?